Good morning, my friends. How are you today? I’m doing well. Not too well, actually. If I’m being truthful, I’m not doing well at all. I had just begun feeling better from a cold when I was struck with a migraine last night. I haven’t had many migraines (yet) but when I do, they always start with the aura. For non-migraine sufferers, the aura is very frightening. The first time it happened to me I thought I was going blind. It starts as a zig-zag flashing streak in my left peripheral and moves across my entire field of vision. It usually lasts for about 20 minutes. And even though I (now) know what’s happening and what to expect, it doesn’t make it any less terrifying. Some people have made links between thyroid issues and intense migraines so that might be something I should consider looking into to see if I can solve it. Websites like holtorfmed.com can provide some insight into their connection. But thankfully my symptoms are reasonably manageable and not too regular.
Thankfully the headaches aren’t anywhere near the intensity of the ones my dad gets or some of my friends have. I don’t have to sequester myself in a dark room for hours. But the headache is an intense amount of pressure which sometimes lasts for three days or so. A friend of mine uses CBD products for her migraines and she says they have helped her, at least she is getting the help she needs since her state California is one of the states that expressly approve MMJ for migraines, lucky her right?
Anyway. I got a migraine last night. And after my migraine, hours later, I had a breakdown in bed. It seems every six months to a year, I start to lose my composure about being a stay at home mom. It is hands down the hardest job I’ve done in my entire life. It is harder than dealing with corporate bureaucracy. It’s harder than mowing the lawn. It’s ten times as stressful as giving a speech to 100+ people. My degree is in criminal justice and throughout my studies I recall learning about officers being in a constant state of duress and how it took a toll on their mental health. Police officers are expected to shift from a laid back, non-hostile situation (road patrols) to often violent, high stress situations in a matter of minutes.
Being a stay at home parent, while very different, is kind of the same. One minute you’re outside playing with the kids, the next minute you’re inside and everyone is screaming and crying because they’re hungry. Panic mode sets in, high stress alerts go off, and you’re basically in survival mode. Parenting is not for the feint of heart.
All of this craziness that I deal with day in and day out, and my migraine and subsequent cry-fest last night, has made me realize that adult relationships and interactions are tantamount to my sanity. I need to make a solid effort to get out of the house and socialize with other grown-ups.
I’ve said it before and I’m certain I will say it again. What’s the loneliest job in the world? SAHP.
I don’t wish this time away by any means. And I am certainly not looking forward to reentering the workforce when the time comes. But I need to strike a balance to keep me happy, and the family at peace.
I took my daughter for a run this morning. First time I’ve ever officially used a jogger for it’s intended purpose. I’ve run with it before when my son was little, but it was for about five yards before I quit. Little Bee and I ran three miles together today. It was really tough. The fixed wheel makes curvy paths difficult to maneuver. But like parenting, I pushed through and felt much stronger on the other side.
I know this high-stress time in my life will pass. I just hope I can hold it together enough to enjoy the time I have with my babies while they’re still little, and while they still want me around.
As for the jogging stroller… I’m not sure if I’ll do that again any time soon, but it was a nice change of pace, and it was kinda fun to have my little running buddy with me again. We did run together for nine months, after all. And running makes me happy. So in a pinch, I probably will do it again. I’m much happier now than I was last night, too. (Thank you, endorphins!).
Have a happy day, friends.
xo
P.S. Today was supposed to be a product review day. And I do have a product to review! But between my migraine last night and then forgetting to wear it for my run this morning, it will have to wait until tomorrow. Flip flop! Oops.
