I was talking to my friend on the phone yesterday. She is enthusiastically career-oriented. She was asking me about work and if I had left my job, am I looking for new opportunities, was I freelancing, etc. My friend loves, loves, loves her job and I must applaud her for that. She has the job of her dreams. However, she did have to work for it. The application process was tough (from what I’ve heard), but she kept on going until the end when she finally got the job. She gave the application her all, she even used these free templates to make sure that her resume would look as good as it possibly could. She put in a lot of work, and she eventually got the job of her dreams and she loves it. If I had the job of my dreams, I probably would have gone back to work after Snarfy was born. Even so, I felt kind of stupid answering no to her latter two questions. But why should I? I didn’t love my job and I wasn’t the best employee. I’m always striving to do better, learn more and make things more efficient. Some people just don’t like that about me. What can I say? I’m opinionated. Sue me.
Being a stay-at-home-mom (better known as SAHM) has proven to be a bit more challenging than I originally thought. It’s incredibly exhausting, a bit isolating and a little depressing. I never went anywhere during the winter. It was too cold. Not only that, but Snarfy was still a blob so all he could do was sit in his infant carrier. And on top of that, he would sweat like crazy in the carrier and get mad and be extremely uncomfortable. Thankfully he is bigger now (and less barfy) so we can get out of the house and have fun. He is only in his carrier in the car and he can sit in a big boy stroller.
Yesterday we went to the park with our mommy-baby friends. It was quite uplifting to be outside, enjoying the warm breeze and sunshine, and talking with another mom. The boys are still too little to actually play together but they looked at each other, there were a few giggles here and there, and they got to swing on the swingset (which was hilarious, by the way). I’m so happy the weather is finally breaking. I am looking forward to the spring and summer months ahead.
Sometimes being a SAHM really takes a toll on me. I feel bad spending money, for example. I know we have to purchase items to efficiently run the household and to clothe our child, but my husband is the sole breadwinner now. I feel like it’s his money and there are times when I have a deep sense of guilt when I need to spend it. But then there are days that I remind myself that I am working 24 hours, 7 days a week, without one single penny of a paycheck. If I were in this situation with any employer I would, first of all, be suing the pants off of them for making me work so much, but I would also be collecting a frighteningly large overtime paycheck. After thinking of it in these terms, then I don’t feel quite as bad about spending my husband’s hard-earned dollars.
It’s hard trying to find a work-life balance as a stay-at-homer. But as the weather warms, the baby grows, and we become more active, it should become a little easier. Snarfy is developing his own naptime schedule, which will give me some much needed alone time. And the warmer weather? A godsend.
Staying at home isn’t for everyone. It is extremely challenging and can take a toll on even the strongest willed people. I’m thankful that I have the opportunity to stay home with my babe. And now I do have my dream job — it’s just a little different than I expected.
