Pregnancy, Friends and Babies! Oh my!

I am the organizer of a local playgroup.* We are 50 members strong, and our moms (and dads!) are very active. The playgroup has been in existence for 16 months now and to be honest, has been a life (and sanity) saver.

Our group is comprised of mostly first time moms with a couple veteran moms here and there. It is a nice intimate group and we’ve grown close over the course of the last 16 months. Within the last nine months or so, a handful of ladies have become pregnant with their second child. It’s always so exciting to hear of someone’s happy news, or to meet a friend’s new little baby for the first time. I’ve been buying lots of my friends baby-themed gifts and I have to admit, it’s so much fun! I bought my best friend a baby casting voucher and she was over the moon. People really appreciate thoughtful gifts so I always try and get something a little different.

I recently started a few committees in the playgroup. One of them is the Bringing Home Baby committee. The sole purpose of the committee is to create a tailor-made welcoming party for moms and their families when they are expecting a new baby — complete with meals, extra help and clothes (or whatever the mom requests). I created this committee because these are the things that were important to me when I had my son, but unfortunately never had. Living in a city without close, immediate family and being the first of our friends to have a baby, put us at a huge disadvantage.

That’s one of the reasons my husband and I have been so anti-baby for so long. But now that we have a solid support system and group of friends from playgroup, and now that other moms are pregnant with their second, I’m starting to reconsider my original stance.

I need to get to the bottom of this conundrum. First I must figure out why the sudden question mark in my life. At first glance, it appears I may be feeling this way due to the fact that so many of my new friends are pregnant again. I spend a lot of time with these girls. It’s no surprise that I would be feeling left out of the crowd. I studied herd mentality as part of my sociology coursework at Indiana University. I’m no stranger to what’s going on here.

But is there something bigger driving the change in my attitude? Perhaps their pregnancies are only the catalyst to a larger, more substantial movement in my outlook in general.

I have to make a list. Maybe that will help.

Having another baby would be bad because…

Point #1: As evidenced by my recent “Livestrong Girl” series, I have worked my ass off to get back in shape and look and feel like a million bucks for the last nine months. Before that, I was wallowing in self pity, shame and borderline depression. I’m not ready to give up my body again. Maybe it’s selfish. But if I can’t be selfish about anything else in my life, I might as well be selfish about the one thing I can control and that happens to be how I look. For now. I’m so vain…

Point #2: I don’t function well with little to no sleep. At all. I know everyone says they don’t either, but there are people who can pull all nighters and be fine for one or two days with just a couple of hours of sleep under their belt. Me? Nope. I am a walking, hormonally imbalanced, zombie of a bitch when I don’t get enough sleep. Just ask my husband. To bring a new baby into this world, with a raging hormonal woman like me as it’s mother, and to put Boo’s life and happiness in the middle of it, is completely unfair.

Point #3: My husband and I like our life the way it is. We are happy as a threesome. Maumm, Dahee and Boo. Three peas in a pod. We all receive ample sleep, Boo receives an insane amount of attention, and we are all thriving as a cohesive family unit. The black looming question mark threatens the very existence of this happiness.

Point #4: Finances. Enough said. We’ve already found that our finances have taken a big hit since having Boo, although we wouldn’t change it for the world. But since becoming a mother, I’ve found myself looking into areas that I never expected to look into, like life insurance. My husband has also switched himself onto money-making methods and started looking into the various forex apps uk has available that could allow him to start trading foreign currencies for profit… I think I’ll leave that to him and prays he does well! I’ll just focus on our insurances for now. If anything happened to my husband or me (god forbid), then we’d need to have some extra finances in place to ensure that they could still be supported when we’re no longer with them. So, I’ve decided to start comparing some quotes, (click here if you’re in the same situation) to see which one suits us the best, as well as one that doesn’t break the bank. Going down this route will also put a further strain on our finances, and this is something that we could do with avoiding, even though this could be a very important point to think about.

Point #5: My fears of pregnancy, labor and delivery are strong and unfaded. I had a rough time with Boo. Who is to say the same series of events won’t unfold with a second one? I was enormously bloated throughout pregnancy, I had a difficult and long labor, and my recovery was a disaster. I hated breast feeding. The only reason I would ever do it again is if it were a guarantee to lose weight and get back in shape. But even that isn’t enough to make me want to do it again. It is safe to put the full blame for my feelings on the topic on the psychotic lactation consultants that were continuously pinching my nipples and squishing my boobs for a week straight. They scared me off. But what the hell did I know? I was a new mom, and everything I had read said that lactation consultants were “there to help” and “breastmilk is best.” God forbid someone create baby formula… Oh, wait! Someone did! And I shall use it if we ever have a second one.

Point #6: What happens if I love the new baby more than I love Boo? Or if I love Boo more than the new baby? I might end up being the world’s worst mother. I’m already borderline with one child…

Having another baby would be good because…

Point #1: I don’t want to not have another one and regret it later. Say, when I’m 40. Even if I will be able to have another, medically speaking, I don’t think I could handle it physically or mentally. I’m already exhausted, so what would another ten years do?

Point #2: If we’re going to have a second, we would have to do it now to avoid being too old and run down (see point #1 for further explanation).

Point #3: We have a solid support system in place now. Aside from the fact that we have very little family in the area, our newfound friends have made a lasting impression on our new, little family. I think we would be able to survive a new baby if we had these people around as support. There are also plenty of online resources around these days, so even if I found myself asking “How often should you bath your kids?” I’d be able to find out in no time.

Point #4: I would be able to “right” the “wrongs” from my first pregnancy, labor and delivery, as well as postpartum mistakes. See point #5 above. This would only happen if point #5 above doesn’t happen.

In conclusion…

I am a selfish, vain, strict mother, and there is no place for another child in my home. Unfortunately, I can’t stop thinking about all of the what ifs and maybes.

Don’t get any ideas, folks. I don’t want any of my friends and family who may be reading this to get overly excited and jump to conclusions. I am not pregnant, nor do I have any plans to be in the near future. I’m pretty sure from the intense list of six points of reasons I should not have another baby, it is clear to anyone who knows me well that I am just not ready. And who knows if I will ever be.

I just hope this weird, uncomfortable question mark in my mind goes away. It’s making me anxious and leaving me on edge.

*If you’re reading this, in the Cleveland area, and are looking for a local playgroup, check us out at http://www.meetup.com/BabyandMe-Eastside/. Or, find us on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/babyandmecleve.