Bullying and Cliques

I can’t sleep. Despite desperately needing to catch some precious zzz’s, it has been a rough week and my mind all of a sudden clicked on when it should in fact have stayed off for a few more hours.

This blog post is going to be heavy. A topic not to take lightly. Read on if you’d like. I won’t be offended if you want to pass.

Still here? Okay. Here goes… Wait, one more thing. Let me be clear. There have been rumors and issues with some of my posts in the past. This post does not reflect anyone specifically and should not be taken as such. I know some of my readers tend to misconstrue and twist my words, but please do not do that with this post. This is a very serious topic and should not be taken lightly, or out of context.

Bullying and cliques are not okay.

I have been the victim of bullying now twice in my life. The first instance was in high school. I was wearing a bandana on my head. A girl from the “popular crowd” told me that I looked like her cleaning lady. You know what I said back? Fuck. You.

I don’t give a shit what people think of me and I certainly couldn’t have cared any less what this overweight, unattractive, rich bitch had to say about me.

But I was in high school. What happens in the real world, the adult world, when you come into contact with bullying and cliques? How do you deal with it? What do you say, or do? Or do you not say or do anything?

Bullying comes in many different forms. It can come from the feeling of exclusion — intentional or otherwise. It can come from one person acting as a cruel ringleader, planting seeds of negative thoughts into the minds of her “friends.” It can come as a deliberately mean email, written with anger and child-like qualities.

Cliques are a little more tricky. They don’t form at the outset with the intention of making others feel unpleasant, unwanted or left out. They don’t form because a group has any negative intention at all. Cliques form when friendships are forged, and people choose to stop letting new friends into their circle. Cliques aren’t necessarily a bad thing. Cliques are often ways for like-minded individuals to get together and socialize.

But when bullying and cliques come together is when the problems begin. Sometimes trusted friendships begin to break down. Sometimes people completely uninvolved in any given bullying or clique scenario are affected. Sometimes social-group dynamics fall apart.

How do we handle bullying and cliques within social groups? Well, for one thing, they need to be nipped in the bud. As an organizational leader, it is important to step up and lead by example. If just one person within the organization ever feels bullied, the issue — however big or small — needs to be confronted, addressed and resolved. Cliques and friendship circles are expected and welcome in the social group setting. Bullying is not, and should never be tolerated.

When the cliques become tricky terrain to navigate is when people stop “venting” about issues with other friends or family drama, and instead turn into bashing those friends or family members behind their backs. The beginning of many problems arise when this situation occurs. Sure, we all bitch and moan, and need a safe place to vent our frustrations. Our friends or spouses are more often than not the very first people we turn to when we need to talk. But when GroupThink, cliques and bullies are involved, venting can quickly turn to bashing and bashing can even more rapidly turn into a bullying scenario.

GroupThink is a powerful tool that bullies sometimes use to lure their accomplices. It can only take one person to turn otherwise beautiful people into collaborators. Sometimes there are many bullies within a group. It doesn’t matter. Bullying is not okay. Even being a bystander is not okay when it comes to bullying.

It doesn’t matter if you’re in elementary school navigating the social mores and norms of a peer group setting for the first time. Or if you’re in high school, who could give a damn less about what people think of you. Or if you’re a grown woman with a family and a business to run. Bullying is not acceptable at any level or at any stage of life.

If you have felt victimized by a bully, you don’t have to deal with it alone. There are many, many others like you who probably have very similar stories as your own. I wouldn’t be doing my due diligence if I didn’t post some great referral sites to help one deal with a bullying scenario, which you will find below.

I have been the victim of bullying in the past, and again more recently. Bullies like to kick you when you’re already down and out. Bullies don’t have the ability, or desire, to empathize even at times they themselves may feel excluded or ostracized from any given group dynamic.

Just remember this: I may be a friend of yours, I may be your mortal enemy. I may be your daughter, I may be a complete stranger to you. It doesn’t matter. You need to hear this. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re inferior, or make you feel as such. You are a beautiful person, you have a lot to offer the world, and don’t ever let anyone take that away from you.

“The goal of an adult bully is to gain power over another person, and make himself or herself the dominant adult. They try to humiliate victims, and ‘show them who is boss.'”