Put a bird on it!

Remember that one time a bird flew in your house? No? Let me paint you a picture. Cue Alfred Hitchcock.

You pick up your kiddo from school and go about your daily routine. Boy washes his hands, baby girl gets put down for a nap. Boy goes to play while he waits for you to come down.

And then you hear it…

A strange banging coming from downstairs.

You call down to the boy and say, “what is going on down there?!” And he yells back, “a bird is in the house!”

Me: “What?!”

Him: “There’s a bird in the house!”

Me: “A bird?!”

Him: “Yes! There’s a bird in the house!”

Panic strikes. You yell to boy to bring your phone upstairs and get his butt up there.

…yeah, that happened. Let me continue…

I put Little Bee down for her nap and Boo and I barricaded ourselves in my bedroom. He went a step farther and barricaded himself in my closet — for extra protection. I called my husband seven times but he had his phone on silent. I racked my brain trying to figure out what to do. Call the police? That seemed excessive. Call the exterminator? I mean, this is a pretty good idea for any other flying pests buzzing around the house; flies, mosquitoes, crickets (wait- can crickets fly? Either way, the exterminator can deal with them!). However, I didn’t know if they’d be effective at tackling a singular bird. And then I remembered my friend’s husband works from home! Bingo. I texted her frantically. 

Her husband was about to leave their house when mine finally decided to grace me with his phone call. He had only been at work for about an hour due to a couple meetings in the morning. I felt really bad pulling him away from work. But there was a bird! Gah!

My husband, despite his acute fear of birds, bravely battled the beast by opening all the windows and doors and ushering the falcon out with his sword drawn.

Or he duck-and-covered while waving a broom about his head. Or a combination of both. It’s hard to say because I was busy fortifying the safe-house upstairs in case the birds overtook our home.

To say it was an exciting day is a complete understatement. We still aren’t entirely sure how the bird got in. There seems to be evidence that it came up through the spot in the fireplace where you’re supposed to sweep the ashes into the basement. My husband says the fireplace flue and the hot water tank/heat flue are somehow connected. I don’t purport to know. I just know there was a bird in my house.