My iPhone Does Not Deserve More Attention Than My Children

It has been an eventful week. My little Boo has been on spring break, and it has been both irritating and refreshing to have him home. I have been reminded how much I love the little bugger and how much I miss spending “alone” time with him. But I’ve also been at my wits-end on more than one occasion. He is fiery, astute, and intensely independent — a lethal combination that will send any seasoned parent running for the hills.

Ordinarily, my weekday mornings look like this: run, shower, take Boo to school, come home and nap Little Bee, and then sit down to eat breakfast and blog. This week has been quite a bit different. Monday and Tuesday were essentially spent refereeing playtime with Boo and Little Bee, and cooking and baking for Seders, fitting in blog posts when I could. Today was our “do nothing” and relax day. Unfortunately “relaxing” for Boo does not carry the same meaning as “relaxing” does to me. I made the executive decision last night that I would take the kids to the Natural History museum this morning. (Boo had recently been studying dinosaurs at school and has a potent interest in the subject matter.) 

A couple months ago, I loaded up the kids on a cold, snowy, winter’s day to drive down to the Natural History museum and meet my friend and her kids there. I am the most punctual person on the planet. Having said that, however, I also adhere to the sound advice, “never wake a sleeping baby!” Lately, instead of arriving early or at our destination at the moment of opening for business, we take our time and arrive when it works with our schedule. On this particular day, Little Bee took a longer than usual nap, so we were en route about an hour after the museum opened. We arrived and lo and behold, there was no parking. Anywhere. Not in the lot, not on the street. Not even in a nearby garage. And on this particular day, it was bitter cold. I had zero interest in parking on the street anyway, only to lug a heavy diaper bag, a 4 1/2 year old, and stroller a baby through a blizzard, just to go to a museum at which we have a membership. I called my friend and apologized and we hightailed it to the mall.

That was a couple months ago. Fast forward to today, and guess what happens? Same thing. Little Bee wakes up from nap (actually a little earlier than I had suspected she would) and we took our time getting to the car and heading out. Being punctual often means being stressed out, and I’ve since become a believer in minimizing as much stress from my life as possible. But now instead of arriving at the open of business, we arrive an hour late, and guess what? Today was like a repeat of our last trip down to the museum. No parking. Anywhere! Thankfully this time it was cold but sunny, so I wasn’t anywhere near as angry as I was the first time. I noticed as we circled the area looking for parking, however, that two buses parked on the street took up nearly six (SIX!!! 6!!!!) parking spots. 

Of course Boo was deeply saddened to miss the dinosaurs yet again. Thankfully the Botanical Garden is located on the same road as the Natural History museum and we have a membership there as well, so we headed to the garden. Lucky for us, it is “Big Spring” time at the Cleveland Botanical Garden, so we got to see lots of flowers in bloom (some real, some not), and TONS of butterflies. Boo took us through the garden maze, he tried on butterfly wings, and we had a pretty enjoyable time. 

My point in telling you this long and drawn out story is this… My day to day life is predictable and scheduled. It took me a few days of having my son home from school to figure out that I needed to unplug, rearrange, and focus on the here and now with him, and focus less on my needs and my schedule. Since then, we have been having a great time. Today was amazing. I had both kids, we toured the garden (after being disappointed in not going to our planned destination), ate lunch, and had a really awesome time with each other. It was a gentle reminder of how my life used to be with Boo — before preschool, or camp, or even Little Bee. It was refreshing and fun. I had some trepidation looking forward to the summer when school was out. I wasn’t sure if I should keep Boo home or send him to camp five days a week. I think I now have my answer. If he does end up attending camp, I am hopeful I can find a program where he can attend for three days, or possibly four, so that I can have him home part of the time and we can do all the wonderful things we used to do together, yet still receive the benefits of time away from mom and baby to be with his friends. I look forward to trips to the zoo, playgrounds, swimming, running through the sprinklers, playdates and picnics with friends. Ah summer… I can’t wait to see you!

I’ve now begun doing my work in the mornings before anyone wakes up (running) and in the evenings after everyone has gone to bed (blogging). It is exhausting, and truthfully I will be happy when I can get back to my routine next week, but ever since my realization of my selfishness and the changes I’ve made, my boy and I have been getting along famously. 

I recently read an article, most likely on the Huffington Post, about a father-daughter moment rudely interrupted by the father’s quick glance at his iPhone during a lunch date. It made a horribly sad impression on me. I am that father. I constantly check my phone. I am one of the most plugged in people I know. My son isn’t a bad kid. He isn’t even a ridiculous boy. He is just a 4 1/2 year old vying for my attention. My shiny white rectangle receives more attention from me than my own son. I’m ashamed to admit it. But it’s true. And now that I finally realized it, now that I can consciously remind myself to put the damn phone down, it has made a world of difference.

Through trial and error, fitting the puzzle of child-rearing together to make one uniform picture has been an adventure in the very least of descriptive terms. I think I’ve got it down. For now. 

Make it count, friends. Make today matter.