Okay, okay. So I’m getting old. My son is about to be two years old. I’ve got gray hair. I have the mom pouch. I try to wear fashionable clothes but I’m too much of a tomboy to pull off anything remotely trendy, so I always resort to my trusty jeans, running shoes and hoodie. I listen to the same music I listened to in high school. And do you know how long ago that was? I don’t even want to tell you. I’m just a mess.
Have you heard the saying that the days go so slooooow, but the years fly by? Gosh, it’s so true. Most days I feel like I want to pull my hair out because I’m either in a bad mood, Boo is saying, “Mom! Mommy! Mom! Mommy!” over and over again (a la Family Guy), or we’re just not getting along so well and I count down the hours and minutes until my trusty Husband comes home to save the day. But then I have a few quiet moments to myself and I realize that I’m not young anymore. I realize that my time is flying by. I realize that Boo is going to be two years old in a mere few days. I realize that my brothers are getting old, too. I realize that my parents won’t be around forever.
The days, albeit sometimes slow and painful, add up to create a year moving all too quickly for my taste.
I hate the realization that life is going too fast. I don’t want to waste my time thinking about silly shit. Life is too short to worry about nonsense. I want to be little again. I want to snuggle up in bed with my dad for story time. I want to fight with my brothers over the Sit n’ Spin or the Big Wheels. I want to interrupt my mom while she’s on the phone and see her stomp her foot and hold up her index finger to tell me to wait.
I remember in high school how reckless I was. There was one time — and this does NOT go past the adult-world, god forbid — that my best friend and I drove around drinking beer! Who does that?! Granted it was one beer so there was no way we were going to get drunk from that, but a) that was so dangerous and b) we could have gotten into some serious trouble! And let’s not count all the times recreational drug use commenced in someone’s vehicle.
Ah, to be young again…
A friend of mine recently told me that all of the connections in the brain aren’t even made until the age of 23. So it’s no wonder that high school kids don’t think about possible consequences, or even care about them if they do think of them. It’s funny, though, because I was always the super cautious one.
Friend: “Hey, let’s go smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are asleep!”
Me: “Hey, let’s NOT do that because we’ll get caught…” 😉
After the formative years, and really not until I turned about 27 or 28, did I start realizing how precious and short life truly is. No human will last forever, so it’s foolish to think we will, but I really started realizing not only my own mortality but everyone’s around me. Friends, family, Boo, even my pets!
I must admit, however, being a parent (despite the crazy roller coaster) has been really fun. There are days when I want to pull my hair out and leave Boo in timeout all day, but the other times, the times that I hear “I love you,” “Doo night mombi,” or “Nana. Pick up. Airport.” — really make up for the bad days. The instances when I see the little gears turning in his giant brain, the days we go for walks up and down our street (over and over and over again) and he discovers a new something — an acorn, a berry, moss, an ant. Those are the days that I cherish, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. It is these moments that make me want to freeze time and stay this way forever. These are the days that I want to be immortal. The sweet moments of life that make it all worth it.
I could do without the gray hairs, though.
I don’t want to get old. *Sigh…*
