“Love many, trust few and always paddle your own canoe.”
I read this really interesting article in an old issue of Time. It was an article by Mehmet Oz called “Smart Parents, Happy Kids.”
As one might suspect from the title, the article gives advice on raising happy, healthy children. One portion of the article stood out to me in particular. It reads:
“…smart parenting is like guiding your child on the boat ride of life down a long, unpredictable river. You help control the canoe’s direction and speed, while your youngsters sit back and take in everything around them so they can learn to steer on their own. Your goal is to teach your passengers enough about the river so that you can eventually pass them the paddle.”
I’m an outdoorswoman myself, so I’m sure I enjoy this passage mostly because of the canoeing reference, but it also strikes me because it is so true. I’m a first time mom so I can’t really speak with very much authority on the topic, but it just seems that kids that are given an opportunity to screw up and learn from their mistakes or accidents, are often the ones that are best prepared for life in the long run. The children that are coddled up until college are, more often than not, the ones that run hog-wild, binge drink and get DUIs. Of course there is a fine line of letting your child have too much freedom and never being disciplined.
I guess the hard part, as a parent of a now-toddler, is actually putting this theory into practice. There are so many dangers and hidden obstacles that the newbie doesn’t quite know how to navigate. Be it putting on shoes to walking over a crack in the sidewalk where one side is jutting up just a little higher than the other. Or running into the street without looking to chase a ball.
Then there’s the ultimate test of parenting and interference: The Playground Battle. And I’m not just talking about the seven, eight and nine year olds on the playground fighting their turf wars. I’m talking about the four year old who blocks the path up the ladder in front of your two year old.
This happened to us this morning at the playground. Our first interaction as mom and son with a playground bully. It was ridiculous. My son, the (not even) two year old v. the bratty four and seven year old siblings with no mother in sight. (I finally did catch a glimpse of his nanny who sat idly by). Anyhow…
We walked over to the playground and this obnoxious seven year old girl just stared Boo down. He wanted to touch a red table sticking out of the side of the jungle gym. But as soon as he started walking toward it, the girl decided she needed to sit on it and take all the room. Poor little man didn’t know what to do. He just stood there.
We moved over to the other part of the jungle gym. Boo started climbing up his favorite ladder and a little boy just stood there. In his way. Just to be a jerk. I didn’t say anything and I tried to let Boo maneuver his way around the little snot, but he was just too small for this kind of confrontation. So I helped him down the ladder and we made our way around to another ladder. Lo and behold, the little crap decided to follow us and again, block the way up onto the jungle gym.
This time I had enough. My son and I went to the playground to have fun and god damnit, we were going to have fun. So I looked squarely at the child without a mother and said, “It would be nice of you to let him up there, too.” And he just looked at me and decided he shouldn’t be a bully anymore, now that the “baby’s” Mom had to step in.
What a defeat.
Boo = 0, Playground Bullies = 5.
After a few minutes of play, the nanny finally decided to tell the obnoxious little brats it was time to go. And holy cow did the boy throw a fit! Vengeance!
Boo = 10, Playground Bullies = -5!
I hope I did the right thing. This was the first time any of this had happened to us. What I really wanted to do was give these little shits a piece of my mind. But I realized that they are just children, who quite clearly weren’t taught to maneuver the river correctly. They were so caught up in being bullies that they swamped their canoe and were having a hard time treading water. At least that’s what it will be like for them in the real world, as was quite evidenced by the fit the four year old was throwing when it was time to go home.
Boo better be ready for some canoe lessons in the very near future. I don’t ever want him to be known as the Playground Bully. He already knows how to share and has the ability to empathize. He loves making new friends and playing with the big kids. And he already has a paddle.
