Ten pieces of advice for new moms and pregnant women. Take each one with a grain of salt, but these are my observations of how my life has changed ever since I became pregnant in February 2009. Things I wish I had actually, really known. You can read some of them in your pregnancy books, but for some reason it’s different when you hear it from an actual mom. Of course, I thank my lucky stars every day for my beautiful babies because I know how lucky I am to have them. Many women struggle to get pregnant in the first place due to unexplained infertility. This is relatively common and many women trying for a baby experience fertility problems at one point or another. Luckily, there are many treatments available nowadays so you needn’t worry about the getting pregnant part, worry about everything that comes after!
1. Your labor and delivery will be nothing like your birth plan.
My pregnancy was a textbook pregnancy. Swollen ankles, bloated, carpal tunnel, baby in perfect birthing position. The whole nine yards. Why would we doubt our birth plan would be any different? We knew a birth plan was just a plan. But we didn’t know that it was just a piece of paper, ready to be thrown in the trash at any given moment. So really, your birth plan is just a plan.
2. Labor hurts. A lot.
I took a hynobirthing class and was taught not to fear labor because fear breeds pain. I was taught to take things in stride and work with my body. Boy I wish I could have done that. Problem is, I was in such a different place that I didn’t even have the opportunity to do any of those things. I couldn’t comprehend fear, and I certainly couldn’t work with my body. I just stood there, in the shower, and took it. All of mother nature’s brutality at once. I was glad when it was over.
3. Nursing is not supposed to be sensation-less.
Contrary to popular belief, nursing is not free of any sensation. If I had known then what I know now, I probably would have continued nursing my son. I fully blame the lactivists that were pushing me to nurse over and over. As a new mother, you are exhausted, sleep deprived and on an insane emotional rollercoaster. I was sick of being pulled, and squished, and told that I was doing everything wrong and that my son’s frenulum needed to be clipped because he couldn’t latch. I was told repeatedly that if it felt funny we were doing things wrong. Disagree. Turns out there are a ton of receptors there and if you aren’t feeling anything then you’ve probably lost sensation of your breasts. In addition, every woman is different so it might not be the most comfortable experience right off the bat for everyone.
4. It’s okay, and sometimes necessary, to feed your baby formula.
I chose to formula feed after my debacle with all of the crazy lactation consultants in my area. I pumped for a while but it was getting out of hand. And I was sick of my boobs hurting all the time. In addition, it turns out that if you have a baby boy, there is a higher chance of him developing reflux in the first few months of life. His reflux will subside around six months so if it does happen to you, don’t fret. But for some moms who have sons with reflux and who nurse, they are sometimes told to stop. One of the things to do to help with the reflux is to feed the baby in an upright position, which is virtually impossible to do if you’re nursing. So not only is it okay to formula feed your child, if that’s what works for you, but sometimes it’s even necessary.
5. You really will get no sleep.
It’s true. You will literally get no sleep. Have you seen “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas”? It’s kind of like that. Your life will turn upside down and you won’t have the intellect to understand what is going on. But don’t worry, this phase only lasts for a few weeks. You will get some sleep soon. Especially if you try sleep-training and use the Ferber method – you and your baby should be sleeping well in no time!
6. Travel systems can suck.
I hate my travel system. Hindsight is 20/20 but if I had known then what I know now, I would have chosen a very different one. I wish I had done more research of which travel system to choose. I mostly hate my stroller. It’s too big and bulky, and it’s pretty heavy too. The most annoying part is hoisting it back in my car and then having to screw around with the wheels so it sits evenly in the back.
7. Everything will be a production.
You now need to add at least 20 minutes of time for each activity in your life. Whether it’s a naptime ritual or getting everything together to run one errand. It will be a production. And don’t forget that when you do go out with baby and you’ll be somewhere that is more than one-story, you have to locate an elevator everywhere you go. Add another 20 minutes to your outing.
8. Short attention span requires a lot of entertainment.
Babies have extremely short attention spans, especially when they get older. My son is six months old and I can’t keep him entertained for more than 10 minutes at a time. Jumper to floor to lap to 10 minutes of a show back to jumper. And that’s only a half hour worth of activity! He’s napping and I’m exhausted just thinking about it…
9. Your body will never be the same. Ever.
It’s true. You won’t ever be the same. Inside or out. After having a baby, you will bear the emotional and physical badges of honor. Even if you don’t love your body right now, you will appreciate the hard work it endured for the 10 months of pregnancy and the final feat of labor and delivery. And if you had a c-section, remember that you had major surgery. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
10. It’s okay to cry.
This one needs no explanation. Sometimes you just need to let it out. It’s okay to cry.
